New Year’s Resolution #1: Toughen Up!

I’ve been meaning to write a thank-you note (of sorts) to two men I met last year.  I don’t know how to get it to them, so I pray for them, ask God to protect them, and hope that they’ll somehow…know.  This isn’t the proper thank you they deserve–I mean, c’mon, I’m blogging about..uuuuhhhhh…myself.  MY new year’s resolutions.  I swear it all fits together:

When I checked into AP in December it wasn’t hard for me to be anonymous; nobody really cared who I am…a relative nobody.  I decided that everyone should have the same consideration.  If you’re checking into a private facility to do some work/get some work done, you deserve privacy.  You don’t need the “nobody” in the crowd staring at you or trying to rub shoulders with you.  I decided I wouldn’t even look at people’s last names.

Enter one, tough, scary dude.  He sat next to me at lunch one day.  As was usual, he did not acknowledge me.  That was OK.  Really.  Someone not affiliated with AP came to him and thanked him for “his service”.  That made it clearly obvious that he was military, not “sports”.  And that, of course, gave him a very wide berth with me.  I would leave him alone.  After he left the lunch room an AP staff member came to me and said “You know who that is, right?”.  I nodded and replied, “Yeah, he’s a SEAL”.  I knew he was indeed “somebody”, I just didn’t need to know the extent of his “somebody-ness”. 

Said SEAL has a twin brother who checked into the facility the same day I did.  He was a little chattier, more social.  He made eye contact.  And he followed everything with “Ma’am”.  Lots of woman of a certain age don’t like that.  He’s military.  He’s a Texan.  And one can never fault on the side of good manners.  Call me ma’am all you want.

How cool to have these guys around!  The biomechanics geek in me stared at them constantly.  And what a study!  Brothers.  Twin brothers.  Twin brother SEALS.  Both injured.  Different injuries, different movements.  Different, but somehow very, very same.  I stared more.  And I stood in awe.  I felt joy.  I felt indebted.  I felt honor.  I was in awe of their quiet work ethic and the symbiotic nature of their world.  I imagined their willingness to go back into service.  For us.  Awesome. 

My pain was my pain, and it was why I was there.  I wouldn’t discredit that.  These men, however, gave me massive perspective.  I could not wait to work hard again.  I gave my self a dose of  “Suck it up, Loser, and get on with your work !”

One day I winced while getting in the cold tub.  I looked at the twin in the tub (as I rolled my eyes at myself) and said “This probably doesn’t feel so bad to you.”  He replied, “Cold is cold to everyone, Ma’am.  It’s just cold”.  I don’t really think he meant it as a judgement call; I didn’t take it as such.  It did drive home the old message of living in the moment.  And that’s how I want to start off my year.  Living in the moment.  Not in some carpe-diem-skip-out-of-work-on-Tuesday way, but by bucking up on the unpleasant times that we all go through.   God knows the twins and their comrades have to do it all the time. 

I can calmly enjoy a tough moment in my life, knowing it will pass.  I can get through; joy comes in the morning.  “Buck up, Rosebud”.

I am truly blessed to have had Morgan and Marcus dropped in my path.  I said “thanks” before I left…thanks for being there, thanks for their service…but it’s not enough.  So again, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.  You have challenged me to become a better person.

Just Wondering

This is a little more what I had in mind...

Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
All the world is waiting for you
And the power you possess.
In your satin tights,
Fighting for your rights
And the old Red, White and Blue.

…Now the world is ready for you,
and the wonders you can do.
Make a hawk a dove,
Stop a war with love,
Make a liar tell the truth.

…All our hopes are pinned on you.
And the magic that you do…
Change their minds, and change the world.

You’re a wonder, Wonder Woman.

I’m working with my counter ego (is that a term?) this week.  I like the fact that I have my own cartoon.  I like the fact that my photo is on the side of a truck.  It doesn’t exactly make me “better” or “better than”…or even “great”.  But it is a conversation piece. 

I’m reminded of the full armor of God from Ephesians.  Perhaps I need to take my colorful cartoon a bit more seriously; get into the spirit of things.  I should really consider arming the gal with:

A belt of truth as I teach the science of stress and promote work/life balance

A breastplate of righteousness as I give tools and wisdom to create positive change

The gospel of peace, or the patience to treat one’s body with respect and kindness

A shield of faith as I watch confidence in their abilities grow

A helmet of salvation  as their health improves

A sword of the spirit as they feel “vitality” instead of “normal”

Yeah, that’s what I’m going to try.  It’s cold and rainy and a bit dark and dreary here in Scottsdale.  I’ve pulled on a nice pair of tights.  I’ve lacquered my hair in place (heck, if you can’t find a helmet, you might as well have helmet-head!).  A padded bra will have to do for a breastplate; it’s Deloitte I’m working with, not the WWE.  Spirit:  check.  Faith:  check. 

May the winds of change blow your way today!  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to find my cape and get to the gym!

Perfect Balance Phase IV: Time to Work

Where are you on the tightrope of life?

The “real” purpose of my Arizona trip was to work, and the time has come to do just that.  There was no mistake in the scheduling; it was orchestrated as it should be.  Travel.  Get butt kicked.  Travel.  Have spiritual and introspective time.  Travel.  Teach.  Teach about balance. 

We’re making a few changes on the presentation of information with this group.  As I regroup the term “weight shift” keeps popping into my mind.  Balance is great, but movement is about constant weight shift and the ability to balance in the new position.  Mobile stability…stable mobility. 

This week I do believe my focus should be on teaching the art and science of balance, and then mobilizing those skills to make the next step.

And as always, one should teach and lead by example.   

Until next time…subtle shift.

Perfect Balance Phase III: All that is Sedona

This is my first trip to Sedona.  I figured I should take advantage of being in Arizona and just get myself there.  Who has anything BAD to say about Sedona?  Nobody.  Spiritual people make pilgrimages, congregating with souls past and present.  Inspiration, education, comtemplation; it’s all to be had in Sedona.  I wanted some of…that.  Whatever “that” was and is, I’d receive what I was offered.  It was with that intention that I set out.  It was that vein in which I was early to bed, hoping for an early rise and a full heart.

I did awaken early.  At 3:00 am the tapping outside my window got so loud and persistent that my dreams were flowing around it.  It was pouring rain, but that would have been a welcome sound.  I added a coat to my cold-weather-sleeping gear of pajamas and socks, and headed out the door.  Don’t forget key.  Don’t forget phone (in case something bad happened to me?).  Don’t forget motel emergency number.  I went to the outside wall of my room to find that the gutter above my window was broken, and that water was falling on my heating/AC unit.  It seemed as if there wasn’t a fix, so I went back inside.  When I spotted the ironing board, I set out again and fashioned a splash shield.  Necessity is the mother of invention. 

As I stepped back into my room I found I was up to my ears (well, ankles) in mud.  Red clay type, Sedona style.  I carefully removed my boots, simultaneously attempting to keep my pajamas mud free (heck, they were already soaked with rain) and keep the mud off the carpet.  And yeah, I did mutter a few swear words under my breath.

Maneuvering the mud upon (appropriate) wake up was just as interesting.  I worked my way out the door, lacing up my boots as the door closed behind me.  Carefully into car with newspaper at feet.  Carefully into lobby, wiping my feet on the mats.  Standing in a puddle upon approaching the coffee shop.  Who needs to clean up after another dirty hiking boot?

I was blotting my feet as I approached the door of the Shaman’s office.  We spied each other through the glass, he opened the door, and welcomed me in.  And in I went.

And that, my friends, was the pivotal moment in the day.  Seems I am the very first person to ever walk into this man’s office with mud on my shoes.  Ever.  In his 14 years in Sedona, I’m the first.  Why would I enter a room with mud on my feet?  Is this what I needed healing for…my utter disregard for sacred space?  Am I always that thoughtless?  I tried to explain that I just lost my thought on all the mud the minute we made eye contact and he said “come in”.  Do I always turn things around and make them other people’s fault.  He wasn’t sure this was going to work. 

Nor was I, so I suggested we stop.  He was fine with that, but I was being charged with a full day PLUS carpet cleaning.  I might as well just sit down and get on with it.

OK, the day got better than that.  I returned my rental; they said “mud happens” in Arizona.  I went back to my hotel and voiced my concern about tracking mud into Chateau Swishy; they actually said “Whatever”.  The mud sticks to my boots like dog poop and gum in the summer. 

And the damn mud sticks to the front of my brain with the same vengeance.  I know I got something more than that out of my day.   Right now, however, it’s all lost in the muck and mire.

A memory of Sedona stays with you forever!

Perfect Balance Phase II…Ready to Run?

"Camp Sporty" Revisited

Today I got up nice and early.  Actually, I woke up so many times during the night.  The great news is that I’m not waking up every time I roll over or just because everything H-U-R-T-S…  This time I awoke because I could hardly wait to get on with my day!  Yeah for me!!

I ate a good (uuuhhh…delicious, nutritious, hearty) breakfast as well as schlucking down a bunch of coffee.  A gleeful heart should always be fueled with a little extra caffeine, you know.  I took the short drive out to…

Athletes Performance Phoenix!  After spending a couple of weeks at their Pensacola/Gulf Breeze facility in December, I know I’ll never go anywhere else for “professional help” again.  OK, that’s not entirely true, but I really love this place.  While only a handful of us were training in December, a great number of athletes were in training now.  Football players were on the field, baseballs were flying, a good number of Asian men were holding weight plates for some reason unknown to me, and everyone seemed to have a huge protein shake and a handful of supplements.  (At one point I couldn’t find where I was going and some very large man told me to follow him.  I obliged, of course, feeling like a dwarf.)  The place is cool, way cooler and larger than the original site they opened in Tempe ten years ago. 

I was here to run.  I have been holding off on running because I don’t feel quite “right” yet.  I’m not fully rehab-ed, I’m not strong enough, and I’m not quite structurally balanced.  Yet, while in Phoenix I wanted a valuable professional evaluation and updated plan.  So I ran.  I ran on the Woodway treadmill.  Then I ran on the new updated non-motorized arc-shaped Woodway.  Then I ran on the Woodway in “dynamic” mode.  Then I ran on the harnessed Wooday.  That’s a lot of treadmills, you know!  Then I walked, exercised, walked some more…and got the verdict:

I’M NOT READY TO RUN…YET.  Bummer.  Boo for me. 

But…I have a new checklist and a new plan.  It will happen.  Once again, AP is leaving me hopeful and happy.  I am determined to make that “comeback” (read: come   back) to triathlon.

Today I got the butt-kicking I was looking for.  I then used my Ford Focus to set my sites on Sedona.  Tomorrow, the yin to my yang.  Until then, Cheers!

Perfect Balance Phase I: Phoenix Bound

Sun, Warmth, and Random Plants!

Sometimes life has….perfect timing.  I left for Phoenix this morning, and Hartley’s daughter came in for a visit last night; I cleared out of the guest room just as she needed a place to sleep.

I’m travelling for business, but because my world is all about finding and maintaing balance…I’ve got to take a couple of days for myself.  I like to treat ALL trips to thye airport as “vacation”.  I read pleasure books, I drink Bloody Marys, I chat with people who want to tell their story, I help old-timers navigate their way through the new-fangled operations of Homeland Security…I travel as if I’m without schedule.  Today I encountered a man in the bar who had just gotten off a blues cruise, so we chatted about music.  A gay couple with whom I shared a seat needed real estate advice (read: cute homes in the appropriate neighborhood).  I obliged.

I watched a movie on the plane.  I don’t even go to movies at home.  Whatever…I’m on vacation.

I drove into Scottsdale where I checked into a Hilton.  I had “gourmet Mexican” for dinner.  It was a l-a-r-g-e plate of meat with a few onions scattered about.  Whatever, today I’m on vacation.  I just-said-no to the guacamole.  Although I love a good guac (especially one made expressly for me at table side) I thought the portion of “enough for four” was a little over the top.  No Guacamole.  No cocktails. 

I have to be ready for tomorrow…

Resolute and Determined!

I casually polled my friends and clients last week. While a few could list a couple of New Year’s Resolutions, most people rolled their eyes a bit when I questioned them. Clearly, not everyone is a fan of “the list”. Personally, I AM fond of making a list. Part of it is a “to do” list for the year, while the other supports the more traditional form of resolutions.

As I’ve posted, I had a bit of a stormy fall. December brought resolution to some issues and had me hurrying into the new year with hope. No need to clean out the (literal and figurative) closests, it’s been done. It’s all about what lies ahead for me. Yeah for me!

So here’s my list of things I’m determined to get done this year. It will act as a table-of-contents of sorts for my next several posts:

1) Toughen Up! Learn how a cold tub, a SEAL, and “it’s only cold…” could give me the biggest kick in the ass of the year.

2) Make a Comeback! Uuuuhhh…was I ever really “here”, and if I was, did anyone even notice I was gone?

3) Spend the year in the Injury-Free-Zone! From rehab to running; a girl’s gotta’ dream!

4) Drop the Fat! Weighing in on the “fat and fit” debate, if you care to hear my opinion.

5) Lose the Fat! I miss mayonaise already. I know I will! My substitution list.

6) Yin is In! Why doing my Yin-homework is essential to maintaining balance during my high-stress times.

7) Practice Intimacy as a Spiritual Discipline! If you think that I’m running one of “those” personal ads or that I have waaaaaaaay to much free time….than this obviously needs a longer explanation. Wait for it…

All in all, I think 2010 (and I’m commited to saying “Two-thousand Ten) is going to be a pretty happy year! Would love to hear of your resolutions, er…commitments…plans for the year!

I lift my eyes to the hills

I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help?  My help cometh from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth. (Ps. 121:1) 

Or as far as I’m concerned, I will lift my eyes to THE hill.  MY Hill. 

The Hill has been a source of great inspiration for me.  I have learned more from The Hill than ever could have imagined.  On The Hill I have seen glory and joy, pain and suffering.  From The Hill I have felt warmth.  Real love. 

I’ve always felt like I’m a little closer to God because of The Hill.  I mean, God must really love me to even GIVE me The Hill.  I’m just not your average gal.  Seriously, I’m a bit embarassed to put this in print, but in a small recess of my brain I’ve actually believed I’m a little “better” than everyone and looked upon more favorably by God because of the sheer presence of The Hill in my world.  It’s been a solid 15 years.  Through ups and downs, visits and separation, I’ve always known this:  “The love is always there”. 

Well I’ve really screwed up this time.  The Hill had a new message for me last fall.  As I’ve noted in a previous post, I may not have actually been in the right mindset to HEAR things properly (the echo was on reverb?) or DEAL with things the way I should (Whaaaat?  One more thing on my plate?).  For whatever reason (and I do like to think I had one at the moment…) I got up and ran away from  The Hill.  As I was took the first few steps away I realized I was in error.  To no avail…I ran.  Funny that I hadn’t been able to “run” in nearly two years but found the strength the scurry away from Hill. 

Well is it over now?
Do you know how to pick up the pieces and go home? (Fleetwood Mac)

No, I haven’t yet figured out how to pick up the pieces.  But I’ll keep trying.  And in the meantime, if you see The Hill, can you tell Him I’m still here?

R and R (and R…)

It’s been a while.  Blog thoughts fill my head, but I feel somewhat obligated (even if to nobody but myself) to write about “year end”. 

January 2008 found me coming off the “high” of my first Ironman.  The year had been spent as my own little form of “honor” to my bother-in-law, who was fighting melanoma.  My 2008 journey had involved and affected all aspects of my very real world (work, play, sports, relationships…) as well as the more esoteric avenues of wellness (spiritual, emotional, physical…).  The avenues, streets, and thoroughfares all lead me to January 2009, and I gladly sat in that crossroads.  It wasn’t about deciding where to go next or where the roads were leading…it was about enjoying the intersection.  Enjoying the block party I had created.  Resting in the moment…

REST

Everyone deserves as rest now and again.  Heck, without rest it is impossible to have any growth.  Like many of my fellow Type-A-Large-And-In-Charge cronies, I don’t always like to rest as much as I should.  There’s always some work to be accomplished, some fun to be had, or some play to be done.  The funny thing about rest:  if you don’t allow time for it, it will become the very thing that controls your life.  At some point you WILL be forced to sleep or heal or recover.  You WILL be side lined; you WILL slow down.  I began 2009 feeling quite well rested after my pleasurable IM journey.  Bike crash…more rest.  A slew of associated “itis” related stuff…a little more rest.  Minor surgery; more sitting around.  And the economy?  Yeah, that added a couple of slow months in there for me.  I felt like I was on perpetual “Are You There God?  It’s Me, Margaret” mode (OK, maybe only the ladies in the house will know what I’m talking about). 

RE-EVALUATE

I’m reminded of birds flying into picture windows.  You’ve seen that…bird flies into window, gets up, does it again.  Bird hits window and stumbles around on the ground, gets up, does it again.  Bird smacks glass…is a little more dazed and confused, but manages to fly around a little bit more prior to whacking it’s head so hard it…well, you get the picture.  I’m a firm believer in prayer, but I’m also a firm believer that God isn’t always “shining His face upon” me.  I was praying for answers and I thought I was listening.  SMACK!  Into the glass again.  Stupid Girl.  Clearly I wasn’t making the best decisions.  I think a little physical pain, a little heart ache, and a little emotion upheaval go a long way to cloud one’s judgement.

REHAB

(Insert image of Amy Whinehouse in your brain right now)  I knew it was time to check out.  That’s when I called “Camp Sporty” (which is really the wonderful Athletes Performance) and checked in for a couple of weeks of R and R (and R…).  I took the two weeks…which gladly could have been longer…to get back on track.  I began with expert re-evaluation.  Some body parts needed some more rest, while others went straight to rehab.  As unused portions were recovered from the wreck I called “body”, my mind began to REJUVENATE. 

During a weekend there I took off and drove to Alabama.  Why?  Because it is there and I’d never been.  I chose to drive along the coast.  As I paced my way along smooth road my eyes went from small dunes, to washed out buildings, to a new hotel or two, and to spots of bare land.  I remembered the devastation of the hurricanes and how the Gulf Coast communities were forced to REBUILD after the disasters.  Gotta’ love a metaphor that gets thrown in your face.  Thanks God, I got it.  I’m in the right place. 

2010

I’m READY.  I’m in a state of RE-CREATION.  Changed mindset, changed workouts, changed life.  I see the joy of RECREATION on the horizon…by golly, I think I’ll actually be able to race (or at least DO a triathlon) again this year. 

All I can really say is YEAH FOR ME!  Cheers to (Re) New Beginnings!

My Entry into Cougarville

The purrrrrfect place to swim....

“T” and I checked-in to Camp Sporty on the same morning.  Our differences were obvious; he the young buck, me the old mare.  I guessed he was there for conditioning while I was focusing on pain.  They handed him and fully explained their photo release.  I was clearly going to have to rely on either a) squirming myself into view when a camera appeared, or b) placing my hand in front of my face while bellowing “No Pictures Please!”

Our coming and going generally pass, but we manage to belly up to the bar for at least one meal a day.  We chatter about our days, how we are feeling, what to eat for breakfast.  

 He is staying here for a couple of months and, like many of the pro ball players, is staying at the ritzy digs a couple of miles from my hotel.  They sport a 25 meter indoor pool that’s the best in town.  Or any surrounding town, for that matter.    I was told to check in with him if I wanted to have pool privileges.  Actually, I was told to “hook up with” him.  Now I have made the mistake of using that term with people much younger than me, and it’s is usually met with a roll of the eyes or a backwards step.  I would simply state my case and ask nicely.  He’s a nice boy…

So imagine my surprise when I said “Hey T, I hear you guys have a 25m pool at your place” and he responded with “We do?  Why don’t I just give you the spare key to my place and you can come over and use it whenever you want”.   What I wanted to say was…

“Are you kidding?  That was waaaaayyyyy to easy!  Don’t be giving your keys away to just any woman who says a few nice things to you!!  Helloooo…are you watching The Fall Of Tiger Woods on the news right now?  There are going to be women e-v-e-r-y-w-h-e-r-e you go from now on.  And they come in all shapes and sizes and ages.  And professional athletes on the road all seem to lose their freakin’ minds!  This was merely a test…you failed…you need remedial work in this area…”

But what I DID was gently snatch the key and plan out another week of swim practices.  Welcome to Cougar Pool.  It don’t get no better than this.